


don't get up

by cupidsintern



Series: also on tumblr! [10]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hook-Up, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:01:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25566310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsintern/pseuds/cupidsintern
Summary: Billy doesn't want to admit how much he thinks about hopefully ending up in Steve's bed again. But it’s kind of all he thinks about. How Steve smells, how his room smells, how the soap in his bathroom is shaped like a clam shell and he shouldn't take that as a sign it's not a sign but what if it is? What if that means, just, yeah. This is it. This is the thing you wanted, the break you needed. Here’s this boy and he wants you like you want him. Maybe not as much, though. Billy probably won't ever tell Steve how much he wants him. Needs him. Loves him. It’s not- it won’t turn out if he does.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Series: also on tumblr! [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725826
Comments: 22
Kudos: 248





	don't get up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FlashMountain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlashMountain/gifts).



> Hi simon! i love you but you already know that. Im really glad we met. You're a really good friend and you make me feel better about myself and encourage me to do stuff and idk you're just really amazing? i don't really know how to articulate it i feel like youre one of those people that just Is Good? of course like, everyone has good and whatever but you're like this frog man from the best creek mud out there and im lucky to know you.  
> very sincerely,  
> johnathan californication

When Billy wakes up that first time, the first thought that goes through his head is _I had sex with Steve Harrington._ He was sort of waking up gradually before that, but now he’s fucking _awake_ because _I had sex with Steve Harrington_ and- christ, he’s still _right_ _there_. Billy can feel the warmth of Steve’s legs against his under the covers- light blue covers light blue sheets that desperately need to be washed because _I had sex with Steve Harrington._ This can’t be real- it’s so real. So amazingly real. It happened. It fucking _happened._ Billy turns his head. 

Steve looks gorgeous dead asleep. His hair’s all fucked up. He’s cheek is squished up against his pillow. His mouth hangs open and Billy can see one of many dark purple hickeys too high on his neck because  _ holy shit holy fucking shit I had sex with Steve Harrington  _ but now he should probably leave. 

What time was it? The sun was up. But the room was still cold. 

Billy tore his eyes away from the actual real-life Steve Harrington asleep next to him to try and- yep, Steve had an alarm clock. 

5:24am. 

Ok cool this would probably be a good time to politely disappear. In case Steve wants to pretend it didn’t happen. Or just so he doesn’t think Billy needs it to be anything more than casual. It’s whatever. It’s not a big deal. It’s not the most important thing that’s happened to Billy since he first so much as kissed a boy, no sir. 

This is no big deal. 

Billy starts carefully pulling away, drawing his legs back, making sure not to put any weight near Steve's head, pushing the covers back and looking over the side of the bed. He puts his feet down all soft, makes sure not to let his belt clink as he gets dressed, is just about presentable- then he hears the sheets shift and he watches Steve roll over- and reach out his arm a little like he’s expecting Billy to be there. But of course, Billy’s not. Billy’s standing at the foot of his bed, getting dressed to sneak off. Because if this is the only time it happens, this is the only time it happens.

Steve curls his fingers a little in the sheets where Billy just was, but doesn’t wake up. 

Billy won’t entertain the idea that Steve wants him to stay, was hoping he’d be there in bed. He doesn't want to hope past this. This is all he ever would admit to hoping for, anyway.

Billy doesn't want to admit how much he thinks about  _ hope _ fully ending up in Steve's bed again. But it’s kind of all he thinks about. How Steve smells, how his room smells, how the soap in his bathroom is shaped like a clam shell and he shouldn't take that as a  _ sign _ it's _ not a sign _ but what if it is? What if that means, just, yeah. This is it. This is the thing you wanted, the break you needed. Here’s this boy and he wants you like you want him. Maybe not as much, though. Billy probably won't ever tell Steve how much he wants him. Needs him.  Loves him. It’s not- it won’t turn out if he does. 

Which is why Billy's heart claws its way up his throat like it wants to escape and bury itself like a knife in Steve's chest when Steve pulls him aside later that day- Billy didn’t wanna guess Steve would so much as talk to him- and he looks so nervous. Why does he look nervous? Steve should never be nervous about anything he’s perfect he’s wonderful he’s-

“Hey,” Steve gets out.    
“Hey yourself.” Billy tries not to give him anything. 

They’re at school. This is weird. 

“You, uh. You disappeared on me.” Steve smiles a little, unsure.

“Didn’t want to overstay my welcome.”

Steve laughs a little. Like that’s impossible- but no, Billy’s reading into this. “You didn’t.”

Neither of them speaks. Steve’s wearing a turtleneck- light blue, like his sheets. Doesn't matter, Billy knows where all the bruises are anyway. He looks so… cozy. Billy wants to hug him- no, that’s stupid.

Steve nudges his arm forward, brushes his hand against Billy's. It reminds Billy of how feverishly Steve grabbed his hand last night, gripped so hard it almost hurt but Billy was far from caring listening to it’s accompaniment: one of Steve's long, drawn out moans. He’s committed the sound to memory now. 

Billy has to blink a bunch to be able to focus on what Steve says next, he’s too busy remembering but-

“We should uh, do that again sometime. If you want.”

So maybe it doesn't have to just be memories Billy’s got to work with.

“Could be fun,” Billy says, before smiling just a little, watching Steve's focus falter as his eyes flick down to Billy’s mouth, back up. 

Billy wakes up in Steve’s bed a second time with Steve plastered to his side and it’s fucking impossible to not think about rolling over on top of him and doing something about the morning wood Steve always seems to have- god, the fact that Billy knows that makes him feel insane with happiness. He’s so stupid. If he was smart he’d stop hooking up with Steve all together. Protect his emotions or whatever stable people do. Instead he’s probably going to keep coming whenever Steve calls. Probably going to be on the hook at the end of his stupid hey-what-are-you-doing-later line. 

And he’s so nice. If Steve knew for a second what this meant to Billy he’d probably keep him at arms length, not want to hurt him or whatever. Thinking that just made it worse. All the feelings he was trying only to feel in little bits- worse. Because it was impossible not to feel them when Steve would do something like like sigh against Billy’s neck, nose pressed up just under Billy’s jaw, or let out a string of words like _ fuck-you’re-so-sexy-I-can’t-believe-this-is-fucking-real  _ while he’s got Billy straddling him, rolling his hips like deep could get deeper. Steve would just- not hold back. Made it harder for Billy to even pretend he was trying to hold back. Billy wished he could talk like Steve talked. Say shit like that without feeling his pride and sanity die. Instead he’d bury ‘I never want this to end’ in ‘harder’ and ‘I’m in love with you’ in ‘yeah, just like that’.

He did actually say something dumb last night though-

“God, you’re so pretty.” He’d choked out. Steve had kissed him. All soft and sweet and smiley, like he didn't have Billy’s come all over his hands. Maybe because of that.

The kiss made his heart squeeze. It made him smile. Which made Steve laugh. Everything seemed perfect for a second. 

Now he’s in bed, it's just after sunrise again, the room is cold again. He’s gonna have to sneak off again. 

He waits until Steve shifts off him a little in his sleep. Then he’s out of bed, feet on the floor, pulling his clothes back on, realizing he’s lost a sock that he’ll have to come back to find, and what if  _ that’s  _ a  _ sign _ , but no that’s stupid- and he’s just turning around, just ready to slip out the door- when he realizes Steve’s awake. 

Steve’s awake, hand out in the sheets again like maybe he was sort of hoping Billy would be there. Staring at Billy. 

Billy swallows, what does-

Steve smiles at him, all sleepy, eyes half-lidded. 

Billy smiles just a little bit back before leaving. 

Third times the charm, Billy brings up the fact that his stupid traitor sock is missing and Steve says he’ll probably have to come back over if he wants to find it-

They don't even make it to Steve’s room for the first round- barely make it through his front door. Billy thinks for a disjointed string of split seconds that maybe it's just him that feels feverish about this, maybe it’s just him that feels like he’s gonna go crazy when they’re not together, feels like he  _ is _ when they  _ are _ . But then he’s got Steve unbuckling his belt, popping the button, pulling the zipper, sticking his hand down and just palming at Billy like he can’t help himself, whispering “you make me feel fucking crazy” before pushing Billy back against the dining room table and dropping down between his legs. 

Billy’d probably kill for the head Steve gives, thanks his lucky stars he doesn't have to. 

This time Steve isn't hard in the morning which is slightly helpful but less so because it just reminds Billy of how long they went for and that makes him think of how they stayed up even later to take a shower together and how Steve rubbed his shoulders and the said it was really just an excuse to feel up his arms - ‘how’re you so strong it- it’s unfair’- and Billy laughed and they ended up making out under the hot water. 

Billy gets out of bed anyway. Hates every second of it. Hates especially that he looks up from re-doing the fastens of his jeans that Steve un-did because-

“Sneaking off again?” Steve sounds to-die-for in the early morning. The way his words sound gritty like the flecks in melted candle wax. Once he told Billy he quit smoking. They've shared more cigarettes than Billy can count- he knows as much because he lost track trying. 

“You caught me.” Billy says back. He keeps getting dressed. 

Steve’s pushed up on his elbows, doesn't say anything for a bit, then-

“Do you wanna get lunch later?”

Billy’s heart fucking flips over- he laughs. “Sure.”

Steve nods, which turns into a stretch, and a yawn. 

“See you later then?” He says when Billy takes a step towards the bedroom door. 

“Yeah.” Billy nods, doesn't look at him though. Worried his fucking eyes or whatever will give him away. “See you later.”

Billy doesn’t know why he agrees to get lunch with Steve, but he sure as hell doesn't let Steve buy him anything. Somehow that's a step too far. And maybe he’s sort of hoping that the more he knows about Steve the less he’ll like him? Like maybe it’ll turn out Steve has like at least one really unattractive quality and Billy will get past this whole complete and total obsession thing- but no. Not one unattractive thing about him. Not a single one. All Billy can do is fall farther, and wonder if he’s gonna be doomed to love Steve forever, and never have the guts to tell him how he really feels, and eventually the novelty of this or whatever will wear off, Steve will lose interest, go back to doing normal stuff, sleeping with normal people- girls- 

But god it really doesn't feel like Steve would rather be with a girl when Billy bites his shoulder and a gasp dies in Steve’s throat, when he looks up at Billy, all play-coy-helpless to his  _ charm _ or whatever. 

It doesn't feel like Steve wants a girl when the next time they’re alone in Steve’s room in the dead of night, Steve lolls his tongue against Billy’s abs, lets Billy pull his hair, digs his fingers into the flesh of Billy's ass, drags his hands down to pull Billy’s legs apart. 

It feels like Steve wants  _ him. _

And maybe that's a sign. 

But no. That’s stupid. 

Billy’s reading too much into this-

“Will you stay?” Steve pulls away from a kiss to pant out. 

“I usually do- fuck.” Billy digs his fingers into the grip he has on Steve’s forearm. 

“I mean stay in the morning. At least for a little.”

“This is unfair-” Billy grins, gasps a little when he feels Steve push up with his fingers again. “You can’t just ask me shit and not let up- oh _fuck_ _you_.” Billys feels his stomach in the good kind of knots. 

“I can stop-”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“You don’t have to stay.” Steve says, slowing his hand a little. 

“No, I will.” Billy says, leaning his forehead against Steve’s, breathing his air. “I’ll stay”

Billy wakes up this time much later, maybe around 9. Which doesn't matter because it’s a Saturday. And because he had a foolproof lie about where he was going. So theoretically he could stay in bed with Steve all day. 

Which would either be great for him. Or absolutely terrible. And his leg is kind of falling asleep so he moves it but-

Steve’s hand was sort of peacefully resting on Billy's chest until he tries to move. Now it's sliding across his chest to press against his ribs and Steve says, voice all sleep-cracked; 

“You said you’d stay.”

“I'm not-”

“Remember? You said you wanted to.”

“I do. I am.” Billy laughs a little. “Chill out, I'm staying.”   
“I  _ am _ chill…” Steve mumbles. He’s not even fully awake. 

Billy wishes he could tell Steve how much he loves him. Wonders maybe if he thinks it loud enough, if Steve would just  _ know.  _

Billy gets his leg in a more comfortable position. He listens to Steve breathe for a while. He only sleeps for maybe twenty more minutes. Billy’s more than happy to just lie there. With him. Just listening to him breathe. 

Then his breathing re-regulates. His nose scrunches up a little, he pushes a hand through his hair, opens his eyes. Nothing will ever prepare Billy to look directly at those eyes.

“Hey,” Steve smiles, beams really, awake, pushing himself up to look at Billy better. 

Billy raises his eyebrows a little in response. “Morning, sleeping beauty.”

Steve makes a ‘blegh’ noise and pushes Billy’s head a little. “You are never going to stop being mean to me, huh?’

“Oh that was mean? Oh I’m sorry-” Billy smiles, all sarcasm-

“Fuck you-”

“Aw, you don’t think you’re too tuckered out for that?”

That makes Steve laugh. Fall back into bed and just laugh, makes Billy laugh too. 

Steve kisses him. 

But this kiss doesnt make Billy feel all warm and fuzzy like they usually do. This one just kind of puts him on edge. 

He plays it cool until he’s stayed a polite amount of time. 

Then he goes. 

And he knows Steve knows something’s up, because Steve asks him “hey, you ok?”

And Billy lies to his face- “yeah, I’m fine.” 

Because he can’t take too much of this. Too much of things he could fool himself into thinking mean something more than they probably do. 

He wants to tell Steve he loves him. But he probably never will. Because if Billy lost his little disjointed string of happy split seconds, he doesn’t know what he’d fucking do. 

Billy ends up in Steve's bed again but he doesn't really want to be doing this. He likes being  _ in Steve's bed _ , he likes that part, he just doesn't feel super great about the kissing- he feels like he's lying, he feels gross. 

He feels like he should leave. 

But he doesn't want to leave.

He never wants to leave. 

And he’s hoping Steve can’t tell, hoping Steve is low energy or just maybe, I dunno, something comes up or-

Steve pulls away. All he’s taken off are his shoes. “Hey, are you-”

“I’m fine.” Billy half-snaps. 

Steve’s mouth turns down. “You don’t seem fine.”

Billy tries to not sound like an asshole this time around “No, it’s-”

“We can stop. If you feel-”

“Yeah well I don’t really  _ feel _ like going home, so-”

“I didn't say you had to go home, I just said we could stop.” Steve scoots back, sits away from Billy on his bed. 

Billy wants to die a little bit. God, why does he have to have feelings ever why can't he do something else with them-

“I hope-” Steve shakes his head, like hoping is a bad idea. “I didn’t mean to, like,  _ do _ anything-”

“You didn’t.”

“Just, the other day when I asked you to stay, in the morning you seemed kinda, I dunno. Like you didn’t wanna be there.”

Billy rolls his eyes. Because being a fucking asshole is still his only defense mechanism apparently. 

“We don’t have to-”

Billy sighs, more heavily than he means to. “I just. Thought something was different than it was for a second. But that's just how you are. So it’s fine. I’m fine.”

Billy looks up, because he hasn't been looking at Steve. And in an instant he regrets everything he just said, because Steve looks, confused, hurt-

“How I  _ am _ ?” Hurt switches to anger. 

“I- yeah, I just meant-”

“If you didn't want to stay you could have just said-”

“No, fuck, Steve thats not it, I just didnt want you to think I thought we were  _ like that _ -”

“Like what?-” Steve looks more angry than anything now.

“Like,  _ together _ .” Billy snaps.

Steve doesn't say anything for a second. Then he looks down. 

“Fuck I’m so stupid,” he whispers. Billy barely hears it. “I’m- I’m sorry.” He says that louder. “You should go. If you wanna. I- fuck. I didn't mean to make you- I dunno.”

“Steve-” Billy sits up more. 

“No, it’s fine. It’s seriously fine, you should just go-”

“I dont  _ want _ to.” Billy gets up off the bed, walks around to the side Steve’s sitting on, with his arms folded, hands tucked, hugging his own chest, not looking at Billy. 

“Steve, hey,” In a matter of minutes Billy forgets every gross feeling that clung to him before and all that matters is that he  _ fixes _ this, that Steve feels  _ better _ . “Hey, look at me for a second.”

Steve looks up, doesn't seem like he wants to though. He’s always at least a  _ little _ stubborn. And he’s not crying or anything, but his cheeks and nose are all pink, like maybe he would if he had the tears for it. He looks all serious too, brow furrowed, jaw set. Crying isn't really something Steve does, though. 

Maybe he wasn't looking at Billy because he was worried his eyes would betray him. Maybe that's a sign. Maybe they've been sharing the same string, hiding the same thoughts, feeling the same things. 

Billy touches his arm- he’s wearing one of those soft sweaters. And he’s so tall. Billy wants to hug him again. It doesn’t seem as stupid now.

“You didn’t  _ make _ me do anything.” Billy says. He’s never really soothed anyone before he hopes he's good at it. “I wanted to stay.”

Steve shakes his head. “But, you said-”

“What I said was stupid.” Billy says firmly. It’s the truth. “I want to stay over. Do you want that?”   
“Yeah,” Steve looks down, but he doesn't look as upset. “I- yeah. Obviously.” Then, “But I don't wanna do anything. I don’t- I don’t  _ just _ want to hook up with you. I want…” He looks up, meets Billy’s gaze, then quickly looks away again. “I mean, right  _ now _ I wanna go to bed.”

Billy nods a couple times, tries not to think about what Steve says he doesn't want, what that might mean he  _ does _ want, because it makes him hope too hard. But maybe hoping isn't so bad now. “Let’s go to bed.”

Steve looks up, smiles at him, just a little. 

It’s late, Billy’s tired, and he’d do anything for that smile. 

Billy almost falls asleep while Steve’s in the shower, because Steve takes the longest showers known to man, but he wakes back up when Steve comes back smelling all fresh ‘n’ clean and practically collapses into bed next to him. 

It’s cold enough that Steve wears a shirt, but he lets Billy snake a hand under it to fall asleep skin to skin. 

They don’t so much as kiss, but Billy feels like this is one of the better times he’s slept over. 

He doesn’t feel so bottled up anymore. 

And he doesn't know if Steve feels how he feels for sure. 

But he thinks now he might actually get around to telling Steve he’s in love with him.

He doesn't really feel gross anymore. 

Billy only wakes up cause he has to piss and he kinda wishes he didn't because he swears Steve's bed is like the perfect temperature. 

And when he moves to get up Steve’s hand knocks against Billy's own. 

Billy turns back over his shoulder, and Steves not exactly awake, his eyes aren’t even open, but his hand is wriggling it’s way into Billys, and Steve murmurs “where’re you going?”

Billy squeezes his hand. 

“Bathroom.” His voice hardly works. 

Steve nods, really just shoves his face deeper into his pillow. 

“See you when you get back.” He mumbles. 

Billy smiles. 

And he liked how instantly Steve pulls him closer when he gets back in bed. “That was terrible. Don’t get up again.” 

“Ever?”

“Never.”

Billy laughs. “Damn, guess I'm stuck here then.” 

“Yeah sucks to be you.” Steve laughs too. Makes Billy smile. 

There's a long comfortable silence that seems like a crime to break, but Billy does it anyway. 

“Did- do you think of us as, you know, together?” Which sounds dumb and stupid out loud because it’s something girls say when they’re insecure but-

“We don’t have to be.” Steve sounds a little sad. 

“No. I- we can be. I just. I didn’t know.” Billy really hopes the things he’s saying are making shit better and not worse, he’s never fucking had to do this before- no one’s ever made him feel how Steve makes him feel before-

Steve looks up at him from where he’s got his head on Billy’s shoulder. “I don’t plan on seeing anybody else.”

“Me neither.”

“Cool.” Steve squeezes his arm around Billy’s middle a little.

“Cool.” Billy squeezes Steve’s arm back.


End file.
